Juan Gabriel L. de Leon
2006-07148
English 10 MHW
Mrs. Anna F. Sanchez
Concept Paper [Critique]
“Cheerleading: Exploring Beyond the Short Skirts”: An Evaluation
Miss Yvette Ruiz’s 10-page paper presents the history and development of the sport of cheerleading. Apparently, the author does this through two perspectives - one, via the general population’s view of the sport, and two, a cheerleader’s point of view. Notably, large sections of the paper seem to be personally expressed by the author (which the critic will cite later), wherein long paragraphs have no citations, which brought the impression that the paper’s author was actually a cheerleader in her own right.
Miss Ruiz starts the paper by clarifying many misconceptions about cheerleaders, then continues to present a brief history of cheerleading, defines it as a sport, presents the processes and preparations behind the actual performances, and gives an insight on the “future of cheerleading in the Philippines”. However, one notable aspect in the author’s style of writing is that every few paragraphs, she occasionally interjects to present some aspects of cheerleading “in Philippine context” (2-3). Though it does not halt the general flow of ideas throughout the paper, it would be more appropriate if a separate section for Philippine cheerleading be reserved to make it more fluid.
The author uses relatively simple terms throughout her work, leading to very few spelling, grammatical and punctuation-related errors, with few exemptions (“Ironically the first ever cheerleader is male”) (par.2, 2). Furthermore, few errors in format were present, like the double-spacing of a quoted yell in page 2, missing parenthetical citations in the last paragraph of page 5, and the single spacing in the Works Cited list. But the most troubling observation the critic found is a glaring lack in in-text citations, particularly from the section “The Responsibilities and Goals of Pep Squads” all the way down to “The Crowning Glory,” especially the latter, where certain dates and events were mentioned and should at least have a cross-reference to a source. Besides that, the critic also suggests that if the author were relating first-hand experiences in the paper, she should at least notify the reader about it, for example, “Having been part of the Squad since…” or in some other manner; this suggestion solely roots out from the impression that the author really is a cheerleader.
On the other hand, there are few 10-page papers which do not feel heavy for the reader, perhaps owing it to the usage of simple language and partly to the interest of the critic in cheerleading, a subject which he could relate to. However, as a last note, Miss Ruiz could expand the coverage of her paper’s audience beyond the University of the Philippines, or even the UAAP for that matter; for one, she could look into the National Colleges’ Athletics Association, another athletic organization that also sponsors cheerleading competitions.
2006-07148
English 10 MHW
Mrs. Anna F. Sanchez
Concept Paper [Critique]
“Cheerleading: Exploring Beyond the Short Skirts”: An Evaluation
Miss Yvette Ruiz’s 10-page paper presents the history and development of the sport of cheerleading. Apparently, the author does this through two perspectives - one, via the general population’s view of the sport, and two, a cheerleader’s point of view. Notably, large sections of the paper seem to be personally expressed by the author (which the critic will cite later), wherein long paragraphs have no citations, which brought the impression that the paper’s author was actually a cheerleader in her own right.
Miss Ruiz starts the paper by clarifying many misconceptions about cheerleaders, then continues to present a brief history of cheerleading, defines it as a sport, presents the processes and preparations behind the actual performances, and gives an insight on the “future of cheerleading in the Philippines”. However, one notable aspect in the author’s style of writing is that every few paragraphs, she occasionally interjects to present some aspects of cheerleading “in Philippine context” (2-3). Though it does not halt the general flow of ideas throughout the paper, it would be more appropriate if a separate section for Philippine cheerleading be reserved to make it more fluid.
The author uses relatively simple terms throughout her work, leading to very few spelling, grammatical and punctuation-related errors, with few exemptions (“Ironically the first ever cheerleader is male”) (par.2, 2). Furthermore, few errors in format were present, like the double-spacing of a quoted yell in page 2, missing parenthetical citations in the last paragraph of page 5, and the single spacing in the Works Cited list. But the most troubling observation the critic found is a glaring lack in in-text citations, particularly from the section “The Responsibilities and Goals of Pep Squads” all the way down to “The Crowning Glory,” especially the latter, where certain dates and events were mentioned and should at least have a cross-reference to a source. Besides that, the critic also suggests that if the author were relating first-hand experiences in the paper, she should at least notify the reader about it, for example, “Having been part of the Squad since…” or in some other manner; this suggestion solely roots out from the impression that the author really is a cheerleader.
On the other hand, there are few 10-page papers which do not feel heavy for the reader, perhaps owing it to the usage of simple language and partly to the interest of the critic in cheerleading, a subject which he could relate to. However, as a last note, Miss Ruiz could expand the coverage of her paper’s audience beyond the University of the Philippines, or even the UAAP for that matter; for one, she could look into the National Colleges’ Athletics Association, another athletic organization that also sponsors cheerleading competitions.
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